Lately life has taken me for a few unexpected turns. I recently was hired and have started working (yay for income and semi-adulthood!). I had roughly a month off from my MA before starting, which, in all honesty, was probably the perfect break.
This company treats their employees very well, compensates more than fairly, and goes out of their way to make their employees feel valued – so far, so good. I have no complaints there.
However, a week into my job my grandma suffered a heart attack. At the time, we were lead to believe it was a minor heart attack, she was recovering quickly and well, that she would soon be back home with my parents. This past week, still in the hospital waiting for some tests, she suffered another heart failure. Finally her results came in, and to our surprise, her first heart attack was in fact not minor, but a massive heart attack.
The doctor’s told my mom this over the phone, explaining that they didn’t know how my 97 year old grandmother survived such a cardiac experience. On Monday she’ll be transferred to a different hospital, and possibly under go a very risky surgery. So needless to say I haven’t really been reading, or cooking, but instead focusing on her.
Because despite the fact that she is infuriatingly stubborn, and sometimes a little bossy, she is the best grandmother I’ve ever had, and one of the strongest women I know. She’s lived through two world wars, the Cold War, the internet, multiple economic crisis, the death of her husband, and multiple siblings. She’s optimistic to a fault, at ease with her condition, convinced that fate and God will intervene if that is what’s meant to be.
Unfortunately these traits weren’t passed on to me. I don’t have faith in God, and if one does exist, if the situation worsens, I’d say he’s taken the wrong moment to take a break. No one in this world deserves health, happiness and peace more than my grandmother, for all that she has already endured.
So that’s where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing. Once things settle down, or just… are not in such a state of anxiety and flux, I’ll be back to my usual, baking, reading, self. But for now, I’m offline, at her side and the side of my incredible mother, clinging to these moments with a fierceness that is startling.